Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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