come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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