I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
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