how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
He passed out mid-signature
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
