you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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