dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
