So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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