Even water is tasting like jack daniels
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
