I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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