Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
