Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Are we still banned from the library?
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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