I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Randomize
