you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
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