How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
