Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
