Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
