she kept yelling 'call me bella'
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
