dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
