and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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