dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
That reminds me...we need to get swords
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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