'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
me + whiskey = a bad person
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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