I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
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