for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize