I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Randomize
