The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
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