How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
