She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
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