Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
