Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
