??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
