You're so nebulous sometimes
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
