super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
sex in a hospital.. check
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
