it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
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