we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
