my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
