on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
