R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
