So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
