I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
