ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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