That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Randomize
