You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize