I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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