he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
