Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
