last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
