I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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