just come out here and I will go home with you...
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
