You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
