I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
