no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
as a side note pls kill me
Randomize
