alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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