Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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