Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
