I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
