4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
