Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize