Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
My life is pants optional.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
