So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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