I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Randomize
