Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
