when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
You don't make any sense
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