Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
