I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
There r osticjed everywhere
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
