You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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