Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Randomize
