If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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