the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Randomize
